T H E  P L A N E T   B I L L

T H E  P L A N E T   B I L L

bridge abutment or a big tree by the side of the road, drive your car into it.

PS:  You could further chlorinate the gene pool by taking Jimmy with you.

Dear Dr. Bill,
  I have a big dilemma.  My son “Timmy” (not his real name) was at school the other day minding his own business, playing his Game boy when this bully came up to him, called him hurtful names and took his Game Boy away from him.  His teachers won’t do anything about it. Please help me!                                   What Do I Do In What Cheer

Dear What What,
  Firstly, we have the mental acuity here at the Dr. Bill page to know when you use quotations, you are not using a real name.  Secondly, you should thank the bully for relieving your little dork of his game boy.  On The Planet Bill, you would be dealt with severely for this clear and wanton instance of child abuse for even letting him near one.  A waste of “Timmy’s” time and your money.  What are you thinking.? Got any books? Can “Timmy” read?  Ever heard of personal responsibility?  Jesus.
   Now let’s deal with the bully.  Why should the teachers deal with the bully?  That’s your and little “Timmy’s” job.  Go to the bank and get a roll of dimes.  Remove as many as necessary until they fit snugly in “Timmy’s” little fist.  The next time the bully approaches him,  “Timmy” needs to pop him one with his dime filled fist.  The nose and mouth make good targets and so does the area just below his belt.  Chances are very, very high that that young fellow will not be bothering your son again.
  If the school has one of those counterproductive “zero tolerance” policies, “Timmy” should consider implementing this plan away from the schoolground.  Hope this helps.

Dear Dr. Bill,
  Please help.  We can’t get our son, “Matt” to eat his vegetables.  My husband “Kyle” and I have tried everything from being nice (“Eat your veggie weggies, honey bunny) to being stern (“You better eat your vegetables right now  or else, young man’).  We even tried putting rainbow sprinkles on his green beans.  Nothing works!  His BM’s are hard as a wedding dik and the noise he makes while straining at the stool during dinner, makes us lose our appetites.  We’re afraid he going to pop a vein.  How can we get him to eat his vegetables?
                                       Worried Sick in Lebo

Dear Sick,
  This is a family oriented site and we discourage crudities like “wedding dik”.
  First, ask yourself who’s in charge here.  If you decide you and “Kyle” are in charge, read on.  If not, save your money so you can pay for “Matt’s” upcoming colorectal cancer treatment.
  Wait for a long weekend when “Matt” can be properly supervised.  When mealtime rolls around explain to him that he is going to eat his vegetables and until he does he is going to eat nothing else.  If he complains, put him in a closet with his hands and feet bound and a strip of duct tape over his mouth so you can can eat your meal in peace.  After a couple of hours, see if he is hungry yet.  Repeat as necessary until he eats his greens with gusto.

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  I feel your pain!!!  You sound like a big fat self involved whiny pig to me!!  In the future when you get upset, try this calming exercise.  Drive to a rural area.  Take off your seatbelt so you can relax and start driving as fast as you can.  When you see a